and the band marched on...
Well i finally went to the last wedding I had to be present at for the year. In the last year i've been to about seven of them. Count it, seven. You can stow the 'well it's free alcohol and food' argument. Yep, it's food and drink that costs you about the same as the wedding present, the dry-cleaning of the clothes and the transport. If I could work out the cost of hangovers and sheer mind-numbing boredom I'd add that as well.
I used to enjoy the weddings. The day where all you had to do was watch a couple of people say a few lines, look happier than you thought possible and then wander over to a table of food and drink. The simple pleasure has been beaten to a pulp for me. If you know the people it's still good but when you're barely a hanger-on or table-filler it's a giant time-waster. It takes an entire weekend away from you (almost).
Luckily for me i've been at tables of pretty interesting people but man you also get the freeks. The social climbers, the alcoholics, the 'funny guy' who is in fact just reiterating material he must have heard on some kids show with the benefit of natural bad comic timing. The best is the cliche 'drunk uncle', he makes the party for sure.
The main issue I have is that it all feels like we're all c-grade actors playing roles in a telemovie. A bad one. Eveyone stands about watching the couple say their vows, most wondering why they don't really feel emotional about it when every movie you've seen shows even the 'hard-man New York detective' look a little teary-eyed.
We then truck on over to the reception, which is a strange mix of socially correct speeches 'from the heart' making you feel like everyone got passing grades in 'wedding 101 - speech cliches for beginners'. It's almost always the same speech everytime. The same platitudes wheeled out in their iron-lung and presented with a less than exuberant manner. Every now and then the talking dead take a rest and then the audience half-heartedly clap as if they can't quite get the action right so soon after the labotomy. Occasionally someone will throw a joke into the mix which more often than not tugs just a little more of your will to live out the door. You know those gags, the "well it's an emotional night all right, even the cake is in tiers..." chestnuts. Kill me. The only funny thing out of that is watching some nimrod having the joke explained to them with nothing short of an etcher-sketch for 15 minutes after the speech.
Occasionally you get some real emotion. The bride's dad teary or the actual married couple who've luckily drunk enough to numb them to the cost of the night. That's always nice to see but the forced 'gee it's an emotional day 'cause it's meant to be right?' kind of thing is just to contrived.
Actual top-5 highlights for weddings i've been to (no particular order):
1. The Bride and Groom (plus entire bridal party in full gear) dancing in a niteclub on it's 80's night. Gold. Filled the entire tiny dancefloor. The night also included the drunk groomsman tipping the doorman (who was actually the bemused bouncer).
2. The ever present 'drunk uncle' getting bitten by the bride's mother's dog at the engagement party whilst breathing rocket-fuel fumes over the poor woman.
3. A friend's boyfriend getting kicked out of the reception for being too drunk. Always a classic.
4. A dipshit get sidestepped the entire night like he was covered in radioactive materials. When anyone got cornered by him he got the politically correct treatment as everyone thought he must be a friend with someone there. Turned out he didn't know anyone, he was there to match his girlfriend's shoes. The following week was a mass of 'was he one of your friends?' comments followed by 'fuck no, i thought he was yours!'.
5. The bride almost picking a fight with the DJ for playing all the wrong stuff.
Ahh the memories. Maybe i'm just a cynic.
quote for the day:
"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down."
- Dr Cox, Scrubs
I used to enjoy the weddings. The day where all you had to do was watch a couple of people say a few lines, look happier than you thought possible and then wander over to a table of food and drink. The simple pleasure has been beaten to a pulp for me. If you know the people it's still good but when you're barely a hanger-on or table-filler it's a giant time-waster. It takes an entire weekend away from you (almost).
Luckily for me i've been at tables of pretty interesting people but man you also get the freeks. The social climbers, the alcoholics, the 'funny guy' who is in fact just reiterating material he must have heard on some kids show with the benefit of natural bad comic timing. The best is the cliche 'drunk uncle', he makes the party for sure.
The main issue I have is that it all feels like we're all c-grade actors playing roles in a telemovie. A bad one. Eveyone stands about watching the couple say their vows, most wondering why they don't really feel emotional about it when every movie you've seen shows even the 'hard-man New York detective' look a little teary-eyed.
We then truck on over to the reception, which is a strange mix of socially correct speeches 'from the heart' making you feel like everyone got passing grades in 'wedding 101 - speech cliches for beginners'. It's almost always the same speech everytime. The same platitudes wheeled out in their iron-lung and presented with a less than exuberant manner. Every now and then the talking dead take a rest and then the audience half-heartedly clap as if they can't quite get the action right so soon after the labotomy. Occasionally someone will throw a joke into the mix which more often than not tugs just a little more of your will to live out the door. You know those gags, the "well it's an emotional night all right, even the cake is in tiers..." chestnuts. Kill me. The only funny thing out of that is watching some nimrod having the joke explained to them with nothing short of an etcher-sketch for 15 minutes after the speech.
Occasionally you get some real emotion. The bride's dad teary or the actual married couple who've luckily drunk enough to numb them to the cost of the night. That's always nice to see but the forced 'gee it's an emotional day 'cause it's meant to be right?' kind of thing is just to contrived.
Actual top-5 highlights for weddings i've been to (no particular order):
1. The Bride and Groom (plus entire bridal party in full gear) dancing in a niteclub on it's 80's night. Gold. Filled the entire tiny dancefloor. The night also included the drunk groomsman tipping the doorman (who was actually the bemused bouncer).
2. The ever present 'drunk uncle' getting bitten by the bride's mother's dog at the engagement party whilst breathing rocket-fuel fumes over the poor woman.
3. A friend's boyfriend getting kicked out of the reception for being too drunk. Always a classic.
4. A dipshit get sidestepped the entire night like he was covered in radioactive materials. When anyone got cornered by him he got the politically correct treatment as everyone thought he must be a friend with someone there. Turned out he didn't know anyone, he was there to match his girlfriend's shoes. The following week was a mass of 'was he one of your friends?' comments followed by 'fuck no, i thought he was yours!'.
5. The bride almost picking a fight with the DJ for playing all the wrong stuff.
Ahh the memories. Maybe i'm just a cynic.
quote for the day:
"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies: Will they, won't they, and then they finally do and they're happy forever -- gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half the ones that get married get divorced, anyway. And I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff, I have not become a cynic, I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate-covered candies and, you know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, 'cause I do...believe in it. Bottom line...is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but, the big difference is, they don't let it take 'em down."
- Dr Cox, Scrubs
posted by brent c. airey at 9:29 AM
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