mitch hedberg
As usual I missed the boat, so far behind the curve the damn thing was already off-loading at the other end by the time I got the ticket out of my pocket. Mitch Hedberg. A legend comedian dead before I even noticed. Maybe that's a fucking curse? Maybe if comedians sent me a free cd / dvd they may well secure a trouble free future. Either way, thanks to eMusic (US$9 a month for 40 track downloads) I discovered Mitch for myself and then while pissing myself and surfing for info about the man, I found he'd already left the mortal coil for whatever's next. If nothing's next he left too soon.
Here's some stuff (check here for a mass of 'em):
:: Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "AWWWW Fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
:: My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want them to, you know, I'm like, "Hey, wait, come back. Let me hold one of you... and feed you a leaf."
:: A kitten bats around a ball of yarn but what he's really saying is, "You know I can't knit, motherfucker." That is one foul mouthed kitten.
:: I was in a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she said, "OK, how would you like your eggs, sir?" I tried to answer anyhow: "Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Shit, it's gonna take a while. I do not have time. Scrambled. You fuckin' confused me."
:: I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" ... So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
:: I did a radio interview. The DJ's first question was, "Who are you?" I had to think, "Is this guy really deep? Or did I drive down to the wrong station?"
:: Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
quote for the day:
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
Here's some stuff (check here for a mass of 'em):
:: Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit. You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "AWWWW Fuck! I thought I looked like that rock!"
:: My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want them to, you know, I'm like, "Hey, wait, come back. Let me hold one of you... and feed you a leaf."
:: A kitten bats around a ball of yarn but what he's really saying is, "You know I can't knit, motherfucker." That is one foul mouthed kitten.
:: I was in a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she said, "OK, how would you like your eggs, sir?" I tried to answer anyhow: "Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Shit, it's gonna take a while. I do not have time. Scrambled. You fuckin' confused me."
:: I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" ... So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
:: I did a radio interview. The DJ's first question was, "Who are you?" I had to think, "Is this guy really deep? Or did I drive down to the wrong station?"
:: Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
quote for the day:
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005)
posted by brent c. airey at 8:59 PM
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